


Confess My love, I'd Know Where to Be (My Sanctuary, You're Holy to Me)

by DamnedSoulsSingSweet (ADayDreamingDream), LothlanPatronSaintOfHealing



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Angel Crowley (Good Omens), Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Art, Artist Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale is Bad at Feelings (Good Omens), Crowley Loves his Houseplants (Good Omens), Crowley Was Raphael Before He Fell (Good Omens), Crowley doesn't stay dead, Crowley is Bad at Feelings (Good Omens), Crowley is a softie (Good Omens), God is a romantic, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Ineffable Idiots (Good Omens), M/M, Miscommunication, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Painting, Shakespeare, Suicide Notes, Trigger Warning!!!, aftermath of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-30
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2020-05-30 23:17:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19413496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ADayDreamingDream/pseuds/DamnedSoulsSingSweet, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LothlanPatronSaintOfHealing/pseuds/LothlanPatronSaintOfHealing
Summary: What if the holy water had been a suicide pill? What if God loved a good love story? What if the Great Almighty wasn’t ready to let go of Crowley quiet yet?AkaCrowley confesses his love for his angel and gets rejected. Unable to handle the heartbreak he drinks tea made with the holy water and dies. Aziraphale realizes that he did have feelings for his demon and has trouble moving on. Luckily God is a sucker for a good love story and is, well, God, thus fixing the mistake her two favorite troublemakers have made. Gabriel is not amused at Crowley’s sudden return to Heaven’s good graces and Hell is not happy about losing their best demon either.





	1. Between the Wars, We Stay

**Author's Note:**

> This was literally supposed to be a angst ridden little oneshot. Now it has grown into a idea that has started whispering plot and depth into my ear and I feel like I need to write it. Also I feel really shitty if I left it with Crowley being dead. This fandom is just so....young to be dealing with that sort of angst. So here we have a really angsty first chapter that will continue to be angsty but not to the point where you have no hope because there (hopefully) will be a happy ending. If I can write happy endings in The Umbrella Academy I can write them here. >.> <.< * _sweats nervously_ *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, just to warn you guys, in this fic both Crowley and Aziraphale identify as male. Just so if that's not your cup of tea you can back out now
> 
> Also, I have a lovely beta now! Yay

**__** __

**_Dearest Angel,_ **

**_There is so much I wish I could tell you. There’s so much time between us but now that it’s over I feel like it was just a drop in the bucket. I’ve left everything to you save the dead cactus on my desk, that has gone to Beelzebub. I know you must be asking yourself how I got a hold of the holy water. It was tricky but there was a heist and there were humans involved. Humans will do anything for money, really. I told myself I would save it for something drastic, something like the end of the world. I guess you telling me that there could never be an “us” because of what I am feels like the end of the world. You would think I would relish in the heartbreak being a demon, but I felt like I had already drunk the holy water before it touched my lips._ **

**_Chin up, Angel_ **

**_Crowley_ **

**_Snake of Eden_ **

Aziraphale tucked the note back into the First Edition of the Satanical Bible that sat next to his bedside. It was the only Satanical Bible that he allowed in the bookstore and he knew Gabriel would have an entire herd of cows if he even knew Aziraphale had touched it. Still, he couldn’t bear to sell it or even put it down with the rest of the books so it sat on a silk handkerchief in an eggshell cream color with the note that Crowley had left to him. There hadn’t been a body, not that there ever was when a demon drank holy water, but just a small puddle of silvery liquid and a shattered teacup with tea creeping closer to the silver liquid. 

“Good morning Crowley.” He murmured to the cat that was sleeping at the foot of his bed. It was an orange tabby that he had found as a kitten several years back mewling in an alley behind the shop during a rainstorm. Crowley the Cat’s eyes had reminded him of Crowley the Demon’s so much that he hadn’t been able to think of any other name for the little things. Crowley the Cat let out a noise at his name and stretched. Aziraphale gave him an ear scratch and sighed.

“If only I realized what love was sooner.” He murmured to the cat before shoving the regret and grief down. There was nothing to do about Crowley’s death but remember Crowley as he was. A demon who still did good things. Aziraphale pulled his computer close to him and pulled up the Word document that he was working on.

“Where was I? Oh yes, how Crowley saved half of Mesopotamia’s children during the great flood by smuggling them to the belly of the arc and calling it an evil because it went against God’s plan.” Aziraphale said with a chuckle. He had been forced to fill out quite a bit of paperwork about that when Noah had discovered it upon disembarking but it  _ had _ helped with the repopulation efforts not to mention stopped the whole problem with inbreeding. Crowley the Cat stood and strolled up to Aziraphale some unknown time later and swatted at his hand.

“Hm? Oh, you must be hungry. It’s about time we open anyways. Opening at midday and closing at four was a brilliant idea of yours, cuts down on the amount of time customer can come and sends them away frustrated when they miss their window. Truly the idea of a demon.” He said scooping the lanky cat up and carrying him into the kitchen that was well stocked with biscuits and canned cat food. While Crowley the Cat ate his breakfast, Aziraphale nibbled on a cookie and wondered if he could get away with keeping the shop shut for a little bit longer and go out to the park for a bit. It was getting warmer out now that spring was here and he always tried to visit Crowley’s favorite spot and feed the ducks. Sometimes if he was feeling especially reminiscent, he would cause two spies from two different agencies to mix up their meeting partners and start a spy fight which had always been one of Crowley’s favorite past times on a boring afternoon. 

“Yes, and I think dinner at the Ritz sounds lovely. A table for two has been reserved.” He murmured, making it happen with a soft miracle. A tear slid out of the corner of his eye and the biscuit in his hand fell to the floor as grief washed over him. It thundered against him like the waves against a ship and he let it rock him hoping that he would not tip and capsize. He found himself on the floor staring into nothing with Crowley the Cat curled up in his lap as the shadows grew long across the apartment floor. Was he supposed to feel nothing like this? Was this normal to feel nothing or was he just broken? He had loved Crowley but had mistaken it for nothing more than close friendship until it was too late and the demon he loved had already taken his own life. Maybe he couldn’t grieve properly either. 

_ ‘Chin up, Angel’ _ Crowley’s parting words rang in his ears and he sucked in a deep, shaky breath. 

“Chin up Aziraphale. He’s not gone as long as you remember him.” He said to himself, stroking down Crowley the Cat’s back. Crowley the Cat let out a stuttering purr, rumbling on the exhales but silent on the inhales like he couldn’t quite figure out how to purr properly. He pawed at Aziraphale’s nose and the angel carefully stood with him in his arms to set him on the counter. 

“Let’s get some dinner in you, you foul fiend.” He said and Crowley the Cat let out an impatient noise. While the cat ate, Aziraphale straightened up the apartment the human way, finding that it wasted more time and filled the long silent hours. He hadn’t turned on any lights except for the ones in the kitchen so once Crowley the Cat was done eating, he scooped the small cat up and shut the light off before heading to bed. He might not have done much today but he felt like he had gone for a non-stop run through London all afternoon.

In Heaven, Gabriel looked like he was going to faint. Sitting in the new admissions chair was a new angel, something that hadn’t happened since the beginnings of Heaven. Not only was this unheard of but the angel somehow was named Crowley, used to be a demon, and had all his memories of said time despite having drunk holy water as a demon. He had a file and everything. God really liked fucking with the order of things. Holy water was supposed to destroy everything about a demon, body, soul, and spirit. Hellfire did the same with angels. No take backs. No exceptions. God was such a sucker for a good love story though, loved the whole star-crossed lovers, was not meant to be until it was shtick. Honestly, none of the angels could see the appeal, things were the way they were for a reason. Rules were made to be so that they could be followed. It was demons that broke the rules and that was why they were called demons, evil doers and tempters. It wasn’t right for a demon to suddenly get to become an angel again, not to mention the demon that brought sin into the Garden of Eden, the Snake of Eden. At least God could have changed his eyes if she had wanted him to be an angel but she had left him looking exactly the same down to that sardonic smirk.

Gabriel was about to pull his hair out as the snake-eyed angel grinned at him from the waiting room. They hadn’t given him a job yet, wasn’t sure  _ what _ job to give him. No one would want to work with him because the eyes would give him away and then he would be bounced around and that would mean Gabriel would have to keep dealing with him and  _ he _ didn’t want to keep having to deal with the serpentine looking angel.

“Anyone got any music that isn’t boring up here? I’d like a good mixtape of the best of Queen to be honest. There isn’t anyone better than them.” The new angel said yawning and Gabriel grit his teeth because they were playing the Heavenly choir singing Ode to God Number 37104 and it was as Heavenly as always. 

“Just…send him down to Earth.” Gabriel said shoving the new angel’s file into Michael’s chest. Michael blinked before nodding.

“Of course. Right away.” He said and the new angel blinked.

“Well shit. Can’t I stay up here? I won’t complain about the music.” Crowley said and Gabriel felt his mood lift at the thought of the new angel not wanting to go to Earth.

“No, we need another agent on Earth. Quite a popular posting down there but since you’ve got experience with humans, we’re giving it to you.” Gabriel said only half lying so it didn’t actually count as a sin. They did need another agent on Earth, it was becoming far too populated for Aziraphale to handle on his own but it wasn’t a popular posting as most angels didn’t want to sully themselves by associating with humans. The new angel sighed.

“Alright. But you’re not telling Aziraphale my name. I reclaimed my original title from before I fell which makes me High Archangel Raphael technically on all my paperwork still. You’ll tell him that name, got it, Archangel Gabriel?” The new angel said and Gabriel frowned glancing over at Michael who flipped through the paperwork. Michael’s eyes widened and he looked up at Gabriel with fearful eyes that told Gabriel all he needed to know. This new, freshly un-fallen angel now not only outranked him but was also outplaying him. 

“Very well. When will you be leaving?” Gabriel asked, hoping it would be soon. High Archangel Raphael buttoned the cuffs of his light, smoky grey button up.

“As soon as I’ve seen my sister. It’s been a while since we’ve spoken and even longer since our last civil conversation. I was a demon after all.” He said before striding out of the waiting room leaving the two angels to gape after him.


	2. Angels and Skylines Meet

Crowley touched down in a quiet alley in New York. His visit with Evangeline had gone as expected. She had started with swearing in a way that was most unbefitting of her station as the North Star, then started throwing things at him before breaking down and sobbing into his shoulder. They had talked for a while before he had told her he had to go and promised that she could visit whenever she wanted. He hadn’t wanted to stay Upstairs for very long, only long enough to make sure Gabriel did as he was told and didn’t leak the name Crowley was going to be going by these days. Aziraphale would be in charge of Europe, Russia, and Asia, and Crowley would be in charge of the Americas and Australia plus all the little islands around the Land Down Under. He left the alley and stalked up to the curb a familiar Bentley sat there though he knew instinctively that it wasn’t his old one. For one the driver’s seat was on the wrong side of the car and another problem with it was that it held none of his precious cassettes. 

“Cheap bastards.” He muttered sliding into the driver’s seat. It took a moment for him to orient himself but he pulled out and made sure to follow the driving laws for the United States. He only drove ten over the speed limit which was perfectly acceptable, after all, everyone knew the speed limit was actually ten over what the signs said as long as you weren’t driving dangerously. His new flat was in an area of the city called Astoria and it wasn’t far from a rather large park that was on the river. The flat was nothing like the one he had inhabited as a demon but he supposed he should get used to things being different. He was no longer considered Fallen in the eyes of the Lord even if the other angels would whisper about him behind his back like the nosey gossipers they were. Sitting in the kitchen were several plants and he smiled at the kind touch. He recognized several as types he had owned before, though they were not the same plants.

“No doubt Aziraphale has killed those already.” He muttered to himself as he ran his fingers reverently over the soft petals of the blooming primrose. It preened under his attention, the bloom opening just a little more and the gold and white swirling petals becoming a little more pronounced.

“I expect you to do your best, no slacking but no overworking yourself either.” He chided gently. The two olive trees that were twining together slowly started to detangle themselves and he sighed. Sometimes he felt like he was herding cats when it came to new plants. Scaring them into submission would be so much easier but it was not the Heavenly way and he didn’t want to give God any doubts about his second chance. She  _ had _ pulled the biggest miracle of all piecing his scattered soul back together from his suicide attempt. The reasoning behind it was not yet clear to him but he wasn’t going to squander a second chance

“Let’s see, I’m going to need some supplies for you all. Better soil, specialized fertilizer. Some pruning shears for any dead leaves and flowers. Possibly even a sound system, music is supposed to be good for plant’s growth.” He said checking over the three other plants, a peace lily that looked like it was pot bound, a succulent called Firesticks that he knew needed coarser soil than it currently was in and a snake plant that was probably a jab at his eyes from those Upstairs. He miracle up a pair of sunglasses for himself and then everything he would need to take care of his plants just to spite the accounting department. Freddy Mercury’s soft voice crooning out  _ ‘Who Wants to Live Forever’ _ soothed him as he worked on the pot bound peace lily and he found himself relaxing enough that his wings slid off the ethereal plane and ruffled across the floor. The peace that washed out of him echoed across the entire section of the city, neighbors that normally didn’t get along put aside their differences and had civil conversations, cats and dogs curled up together, drivers allowed each other to back out of spots without actually wanting the spot themselves. Slowly Crowley became aware of what he was doing and reeled the aura back in letting the normal order of life return until his aura remained only in his apartment. The plants enjoyed it, basking in the divine feeling of peace that radiated from their new owner. 

“Grow big and strong, everyone.” He said as he finished his tending. He left the music playing for them though, hoping that they would come to enjoy Queen as much as he did. 

Aziraphale was flabbergasted when he was told that High Archangel Raphael, the angel for whom he was named, had taken a position on Earth. Then he had become excited and made tea in case the other angel would stop by to get pointers and tips on how to blend in. Most angels needed a little help as humans were an odd sort and had ever shifting and changing cultures depending on where you were in the world. However, no celestial being ever showed and Aziraphale eventually was forced to apologize to the undrunk tea and poured it out. He watered all of the plants that he had moved from Crowley’s apartment, giving each a little love and care as he watered them with his yellow watering can. They all seemed so hungry for praise he was a little terrified to know how Crowley had gotten them to look so perfect. Crowley the Cat sat on his usual cat bed by the door, warding off any potential customers with cat allergies and Aziraphale locked the door.

“Another wonderful day without a single customer.” He said to the cat who looked at him with slitted eyes and what seemed to be a happy smile. 

“Oh, I have nearly forgotten. I have to close the store for a week. There’s a lady in Berlin who has agreed to let me look at her first edition of  _ The Canterbury Tales _ . I don’t know who would take you though. Oh dear, I doubt I can just leave you by yourself, all the trouble you might get into.” Aziraphale worried, wringing his hands. He had such high hopes of finally getting this book from the old woman who had held onto it for fifteen years now in hope that he would give her more money. He scooped Crowley the Cat up and carried him out of the shop and up into the apartment still mulling over the problem. He wasn’t sure who to ask to look after Crowley, he didn’t have any friends now that Crowley the Demon was gone. It had been almost three years now and the pain was still strong in his chest though he didn’t feel the overwhelming need to break down and cry anymore. He fed the cat his dinner and poured himself a glass of wine. Sipping it quietly he moved through his apartment and shuffled the papers that were scattered about. Tracking Crowley’s movements when they had been apart was difficult, especially in the earlier years when proper systems for recording things hadn’t been invented but he was muddling through the paperwork from an eighteenth century string of orphanages that had popped up throughout Europe under the name Aziraphale. It was a very Crowley move, looking after people without taking the credit. He had always had a soft spot for children, something Aziraphale had noted throughout history as he collected the various wonderful and nefarious deeds his best friend had done. Stalling Nazi trains carrying children so that Allied forces could rescue them, smuggling over a hundred out of Nazi Germany himself. Coming up with the drug that destroyed the noses of the Nazi’s sniffer dogs. And that was just in World War Two. All across time Crowley had looked out for the children of the world and it made Aziraphale wonder who he had once been before he Fell. If he had been a mother or a father to anyone, and if he had, if he had ever looked to the heavens and worried about his own children. It was close to two in the morning when he was done deciphering that yes, this ring of orphanages was another of Crowley’s work and not that of an ambitious mortal’s thus earning its place in his book. He would write about it tomorrow but for now he would go to sleep. One day he would take his book up to Heaven and lay it out before God to show the repentance that a demon could have in hopes that Crowley’s angelic name would once again be sung in the heavenly choir. 

Crowley sighed when a letter appeared on the kitchen counter addressed to High Archangel Raphael two months after he had come back to Earth. The script was achingly familiar and he hesitated for only a moment before plucking the thin envelope off the cool grey marble countertop. He should have known this day would come, with two angels on the planet they were bound to contact each other eventually. It took him several minutes to open the envelope as he recognized it to be from a stationary set that he had bought Aziraphale in the late eighteen hundreds and Aziraphale had gushed about the weight and gold accenting of the paper and promised to only use it for extremely special correspondence. Crowley supposed that contacting a High Archangel would be considered extremely special but it still felt like a slap in the face that Aziraphale had never once used the stationary when he had been a demon and they had exchanged letters. He broke the wax seal finally and slid the card out and ran his fingers over the gold wings that adorned the top of the card

**_High Archangel Raphael_ **

**_Apologies for the intrusion_ **

**_I have a mission that requires me to leave a mortal companion alone for a week and I have put it off for as long as I possibly could. This companion cannot care for himself and only requires a few things to be happy. I know a great angel such as yourself must be very busy but I was hoping that you would be able to take care of him while I completed my mission._ **

**_In God’s Grace_ **

**_Principality Aziraphale_ **

**_Guardian of the Eastern Gate_ **

Crowley blinked and wondered if Aziraphale had somehow adopted a small child or something. He flipped the thick card over, looking for any other clues to what the other angel might want from him but there were none. Finally, his curiosity got the better of him and he miracle up a pen and a card of thick, old fashioned parchment to write out a response. 

**_Principality Aziraphale_ **

**_I shall look after your companion while you are on your mission. While I am very busy, I shall have a messenger pick him up and bring him to my dwelling. If you ever have need of anything, do not hesitate to ask._ **

**_Go with God’s Grace_ **

**_High Archangel Raphael_ **

**_Creator of the Cosmos_ **

Crowley hesitated before sending it away to be delivered. He would have to find another form to take to meet with Aziraphale but that would be no issue for him; even before his Fall, he had always shifted forms as easily as he had created new galaxies. He moved to start his routine, watering his plants which had become even more numerous as he had found a small nursery tucked in an open space around the corner. The proprietor had suddenly found herself with not only many new customers looking to get a new plant or two to brighten up their little apartments but also a grant from the city for helping with the pollution issue. There was only one room that Crowley didn’t keep any plants in and that was a room he called his ‘Creation Room’. Being one of the Angels of Creation he had found that there was an itch under his skin to create, to draw or paint or bury his hands into clay and make something beautiful out of it. The fumes though would harm any plant that he put in there so he firmly kept all his precious green babies out of that room. The paintings he sold were fast becoming popular and he sold them under the pseudonym Raphael Fell. Unlike Aziraphale who clung to his books he enjoyed the thrill of his phone ringing to tell him that another of his works had sold; the knowledge that another of his creations has been given out to the world to be enjoyed and to inspire those around it. 

Once all the plants were watered, he made a cup of dark black coffee and drank it slowly while leaning against the counter. He told himself he wasn’t waiting to see if Aziraphale would reply to him but that would be a lie and he was trying not to lie as much anymore. He was just washing out the cup when a second envelope appeared on the counter in a little poof of white clouds. Crowley picked it up and broke the seal to get the card. 

**_High Archangel Raphael_ **

**_I shall have to leave today to make my deadline. If you could have your messenger pick him up in one hour at a location of your choosing, I would be most grateful._ **

**_In God’s Grace_ **

**_Principality Aziraphale_ **

**_Guardian of the Eastern Gate_ **

Crowley snorted at the short message and picked up his pen to write  _ ‘Delacorte Theater, Central Park, New York City 1:00pm EST. My divine light will shine on him.’ _ at the bottom before sending it back. They were performing Hamlet which had turned into a bit of a joke between the two of them. Crowley wanted to see what Aziraphale’s reaction would be and also to see the play, which he would never admit was one of his favorites only because of the memories involved. It was already eleven so he strolled into his bedroom and stood in front of his mirror. Shifting his form would be easy, getting used to the new form would take a bit of work. One did not immediately run in a new pair of shoes after all. First he shifted his hair color, making it a dark brown but leaving it in the same hair style. Next he fixed the crook in his nose and softened his cheekbones. He shortened his chin, dropped his height by a few inches and gave himself a few extra pounds so he wouldn’t look quite so unhealthy. The hardest part to change was his eyes, he stared at them for several minutes before sliding a glamor over them to make them appear milky. He adjusted his clothes to fit his new form, miracle up a cane and slid his sunglasses on. Driving the Bentley was out of the question in this form as he had made it blind but he found most people were courteous to the blind man on the subway, giving him the handicap seating and shifting out of the way when he stood to get off. Crowley arrived at Delacorte Theater half an hour early and sat in the middle of the seating, laying the cane out across his lap. The outdoor theater filled quickly and he frowned when it was five minutes to one and Aziraphale had yet to show. The production started and Crowley found himself grow enraptured with it so much that he missed the form sliding into the suddenly open space beside him.

“You must be High Archangel Raphael’s messenger.” Aziraphale’s voice said hesitantly. Crowley turned towards the other angel. 

“You must be the angel he said to look for. You’re late.” He snapped. Aziraphale looked slightly haggard, his bowtie was askew, there was a couple of scratches on his neck and he was most definitely out of breath

“Yes, well, Crowley didn’t want to get into his carrier. He’s a bit like his namesake. A complete fiend when he wants to be but very dear to my heart. Oh, please don’t tell High Archangel Raphael that. Crowley is a good cat most the time. He just…has moments where he’s stubborn and strong willed.” The other angel said wringing his hands. Crowley blinked. Aziraphale had named a cat after _ him _ ? The carrier between them gave a low hiss and Crowley let out a tendril of calm and peace to soothe the frightened animal. 

“I doubt Raphael will care much.” He said, feeling weird to speak of himself in third person. He turned back to the play and missed the way Aziraphale blinked at him.

“You’re blind? Couldn’t you ask Raphael to fix that? It would make your life easier.” Aziraphale said and Crowley caught the hands that were creeping towards his face.

“I like being blind, thank you. Raphael already tried that trick and I told him no. I’ve been blind since the day I was born and there are some things that you get used to that shouldn’t change. My eyes are one of them.” Crowley snapped. Aziraphale crumpled in on himself.

“Terribly sorry. How rude of me. Perhaps, may I stay with you for this play? It was…it was a joke between me and an old friend. It would feel sacrilegious not to stay for the whole thing.” Aziraphale said and Crowley shrugged.

“I’m not stopping you.” He muttered, shifting so that there was more room between the two of them. 

“Do you know what High Archangel Raphael is doing?” Aziraphale asked as the intermission was called. Crowley shrugged.

“He’s busy. Popped into my apartment to tell me to meet you here and then left.” He said Aziraphale shifted.

“You seem rather familiar with him.” He said sounding uncomfortable. Crowley snorted.

“Poor bastard didn’t even know how to use a key. Found him standing outside his apartment talking to his door like a loon.” He said with a chuckle. Aziraphale chuckled too before he caught himself and Crowley wished he wasn’t so uptight.

“I did wonder why he never came to visit. I would have thought he would have come to see me about human things.” The other angel said sounding sad and Crowley sighed. He supposed that he could make some visits. Ask a few questions, drink some tea. Being reformed as an angel had lessened the heartbreak, numbed it to something manageable. He supposed that he could spend a little time with Aziraphale every few decades or so but he wouldn’t set himself up to have his heart broken again. Aziraphale did not love him and he would not let himself fall back into old habits. The actors took to the stage again and the play resumed. Almost as soon as it was over Aziraphale popped off, leaving Crowley to make his way back to his apartment with the cat who was also named Crowley. He let the beast out and fed it a can of cat food from the bag that Aziraphale had provided. Shifting his form back was like stretching out after being curled up for a long period of time. The cat watched him through the shift.

“Don’t tell your owner. I had to see for myself how he was doing.” Crowley said patting the orange creature on the head. It blinked at him, its yellow eyes reminding him of his own, and then turned to find a sunny spot to lay out in. Crowley set up an alarm so he would know if it messed with any of his plants and moved into his Creation Room to paint the night away.


	3. I Don’t Want Them to Know the Way I Loved You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I did not expect Crowley the Cat to be so popular. Thank's everyone who has commented that you love him, he means a lot to me

Crowley woke slowly on the seventh day that he had Crowley Jr. living with him. The cat was perched happily on the windowsill that he had cleared for it, it’s orange fur seeming to glow in the early morning light. Slowly Crowley sat up and wondered what exactly had woken him. He wasn’t normally such an early riser; the sun was barely peeking over the horizon so it couldn’t have been that naughty little thing. A smart series of raps on his front door jolted him into action as he remembered sending a message to Aziraphale to just come by to collect Crowley Jr..

“Shit, fuck, fuckity shit.” Crowley swore. He tumbled out of bed, his long legs getting wrapped up in the sheets and quickly shifted his hair into a darker, almost purplish shade of red and his eyes from yellow irises to a dark purple almost black. He miracled on a dark grey button up and a pair of black slacks as he dashed through the crowded living room towards the door. Aziraphale looked worried when he opened it.

“Oh!” Aziraphale said and Crowley stepped aside. 

“Come in Principality Aziraphale. I’m afraid time got away from me. Your cat is quite charming, almost…devilishly so.” Crowley said and Aziraphale chuckled nervously.

“Yes, he has some rather sinful qualities but I take those moments to try and teach him good.” The other angel said looking around at all the plants.

“He was sunning himself in the bedroom. I shall collect him.” Crowley said before leaving Aziraphale in the living room to collect his namesake. Crowley Jr. was still sitting on the windowsill and purred happily when Crowley picked him up.

“Your angel is here for you Crowley. I shan’t keep you from him.” Crowley said as he carried the cat back to the living room. Aziraphale was inspecting the olive trees that were twined together like they were lovers.

“Quite a collection you have here. I have a few plants myself though most of the time I feel in over my head taking care of them.” Aziraphale said nervously as he quickly moved away from the olive trees. 

“I enjoy plants. Creation and new life are my specialty and I find plants are a calming way to release some of my extra energy.” Crowley said running his fingers over a large pear tree. It preened under his touch, producing flowers and then fruit rapidly. Crowley gently plucked one of the pears off and offered it to Aziraphale who took it gently.

“Thank you. I had a friend who liked plants. He’s how I got the ones I have now.” He said and Crowley cocked his head. He set Crowley Jr. down on the floor and with a minor miracle sent him running off to hide under the dresser. 

“Would you like some coffee or cocoa?” He asked and Aziraphale shifted nervously.

“I…I don’t know if that’s wise. Not that I don’t because I do it’s just…” Aziraphale stuttered and Crowley smiled a crooked smile.

“I remind you of Crowley. I understand, he was my brother in a way. There were three of us. Crowley, our sister, and me. Our sister was always the odd one out but Crowley and I were…close before the fall. Nearly one being sometimes. It would be odd if my appearance did not remind you of him.” Crowley said, smudging the truth just a tad. Aziraphale let out a long breath.

“Oh, I thought…it’s been three years and I thought I was just maybe imagining it. You look so much like him.” He said with a sad smile and Crowley felt his resolve to stay away from Aziraphale dissipate. 

“No, no. I do look quite a bit like he did. Didn’t care for what Heaven did to him so I wandered for a while. Never quite Fell but…I suppose you can say we were never very much different.” Crowley said moving towards the kitchen. He started up the coffee machine and put the kettle on to make Aziraphale a cup of cocoa. 

“Do you miss him?” Aziraphale’s voice in the doorway of the kitchen startled him and he flinched.

“No. He was…he was miserable in the end. I found him that night. He had a broken heart and those are not easy to fix. He was spiraling and losing himself. What he did, it was for the best.” Crowley said. 

“How can you say that?” The anger in Aziraphale’s voice made Crowley turn to face the shorter angel.

“What do you mean?” Crowley asked and Aziraphale puffed up his chest.

“Crowley killed himself. Destroyed his body, soul, and spirit. All that was left was a puddle of silver goo and you think it was for the best? You may have been his brother but you obviously didn’t know him.” Aziraphale snapped and Crowley raised an eyebrow.

“I knew him far better than you, Principality Aziraphale. Do you know what kept my brother from being like the other demons? From becoming twisted and tormented and truly evil? His love for you. His love for you was pure and true and heavenly and it was enough to keep him from truly being a demon. He lost that and he was sliding down the slope towards utter darkness. He not only saved your life by taking his own but also this precious Earth that you both were so fond of.” Crowley’s voice was as cold as deep space and sharp as a holy sword. Aziraphale stumbled back, eyes wide and filling quickly with unshed tears. 

“Forgive me, High Archangel Raphael. I’m afraid I must take Crowley the Cat and leave now. I have to open my bookshop.” Aziraphale said softly. Crowley’s tense posture softened and he used his gentle aura to coax the cat out of its hiding spot. He stood in the archway between the living room and the kitchen and watched Aziraphale tuck Crowley Jr. into his carrier.

“Thank you for watching Crowley the Cat, High Archangel Raphael.” Aziraphale said. He wouldn’t meet Crowley’s eyes as he blinked away and Crowley sighed. He moved to look at his appearance in the mirror. For such a rushed job it wasn’t half bad and he almost liked it. 

Aziraphale did not open the shop that day. Instead he curled up on the couch and pulled his favorite book into his lap. Crowley the Cat curled up in the windowsill and watched the people pass by on the street below. Aziraphale flipped through the pages of his first edition of A  _ Midsummer Night’s Dream _ which had been the first comedy he had seen with Crowley. Shakespeare himself had been dead for close to seventy-five years at that point. He wasn’t really reading it, his mind drifting back to what High Archangel Raphael had said about Crowley. When the High Archangel had opened the door, it had been almost like stepping into a memory. Aziraphale had forgotten how to breathe and had felt panic well up inside him. But the eyes hadn’t been right and the hair wasn’t the right shade of red either. The apartment had been full of plants which hadn’t made anything better. It had all brought up memories of Crowley and so when the High Archangel had said they had been brothers it was almost a relief. Except, Crowley had never spoken of a brother, a sister, yes, but never a brother. Perhaps because High Archangel Raphael had been so high up in the pecking order of Heaven Crowley had refused to acknowledge his existence after he had Fallen or maybe it was because High Archangel Raphael had left Heaven too to wander. Crowley had always loved the stars, always been able to say each and every one’s name and point them out. Perhaps he had been looking for his brother among them when he stared up at the night sky. The High Archangel’s words about Crowley’s suicide worried him though. Maybe it hadn’t been a suicide. The High Archangel  _ had _ been there with Crowley when he did the deed. What if he had forced the cup of tea made with the holy water down Crowley’s throat? What if he had killed Crowley? He had seemed indifferent to the death of his brother even after saying they had been extremely close. Perhaps he was lying about something, perhaps there was more to Crowley’s death than a heartbroken demon.

Snapping the book shut, Aziraphale jumped to his feet and dashed out the door. He ran down the street, shoving his way through the crowds until he reached Crowley’s apartment building. He still kept Crowley’s apartment even though there was no one living there and he normally could barely bring himself to think about visiting. He miracled the apartment door open and coughed as stale air filled his lungs. Slowly he moved through the apartment, looking for any clues that there had been a second person there the night that Crowley had died. Aziraphale had never cleaned anything up, not in the office at least. 

Not where it happened. 

He had left the silver goo that had been his best friend and the broken teacup where they had lain on the floor, unable to touch the two things three years ago without breaking down. Now as he moved towards the office, he knew he needed to really look around and not let himself focus only on the mess on the floor. To his surprise the silver goo was gone from the floor and the shattered remains of the teacup sat in a neat little pile next to Crowley’s globe. Someone had been here; someone had touched what had remained of Crowley and Aziraphale knew exactly who it had been.

High Archangel Raphael. 

Anger filled him. Pulsing through him as he blinked from Crowley’s office to the living room of High Archangel Raphael’s apartment. The Archangel wasn’t there but his many plants cowered before Aziraphale’s radiant anger. He stalked over to the pear tree that High Archangel Raphael seemed so fond of and poked it.

“Where is he?” He snarled. The tree trembled and sent flashes of the High Archangel telling the plants that he was going to go paint in Central Park. Aziraphale stalked out of the apartment and blinked over to the large park. He could feel the other angel now, his calm aura radiating out but it did nothing to ease the fury that poured out of Aziraphale. He found the Archangel sitting by a statue of Alice in Wonderland seemingly waiting for him.

“What has you so angry Principality Aziraphale?” The High Archangel asked. Aziraphale didn’t answer with his words, he stalked up to the taller angel and slugged the High Archangel across the face. The thin angel tumbled to the ground.

“What the fuck?” He snapped, glaring up at Aziraphale with his dark shades askew. Even his sunglasses were far too similar to Crowley’s and it made Aziraphale’s anger double.

“You know what you’ve done.” He hissed. The High Archangel wiped a drop of blood from his lip and slowly stood.

“I am afraid I do not. Please enlighten me, Principality Aziraphale, on why you would strike a superior.” He said, his voice low and dangerous. It sent warning signals to Aziraphale’s brain but he had come too far to back down now.

“You broke into Crowley’s flat. Cleaned up what was left of him. I know you did, no one else would care enough to.” Aziraphale accused. The High Archangel cocked his head, as if he was thinking over a difficult problem.

“The goo, it was gone?” He asked and Aziraphale grit his teeth.

“Yes! Don’t play dumb, you’re the one that cleaned it up!” He snapped. The High Angel turned away from him, a hand coming up to run through his hair in a familiar gesture.

“So that’s how she did it, eh? I did wonder.” He muttered. Aziraphale felt like he was missing part of a conversation or perhaps, that maybe there was more that he didn’t know. His anger was quickly fading as he realized how uncivilized he had behaved. He had struck a High Archangel for Heaven’s sake, if that didn’t get him recalled and cast out, he wasn’t sure what would. The High Archangel in question seemed to be having a conversation with himself about something Aziraphale couldn’t quite follow. When he finally turned his attention back to Aziraphale there was a gleam in his dark eyes.

“Would you like to go out for lunch? I discovered a lovely little diner in Long Island City that makes the most wonderful coffee. I’m sure they make good food too but I tend not to eat anything solid.” The High Archangel asked and Aziraphale blinked confused.

“You’re not angry about the punch?” He asked and High Archangel Raphael shook his head.

“Nah, I know I can be a right bastard at times. Runs in the family. So, lunch?” He asked again. Aziraphale hesitate before nodding.

“That sounds lovely. I must admit, I’ve not had much American cuisine.” He said and the High Archangel nodded.

“Very well. I’ll get us there since I’ve been before. Not always an easy place to find.” He said holding out his arm for Aziraphale to take. 


	4. The Pin Pulled on a Hand Grenade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to do it. Chapter 4 on the Fourth * _blushes_ *

Crowley found himself wandering the streets late the next night. The stars above him seemed too far away to give him any comfort. He longed to pop over to Aziraphale’s bookshop and sit on his very comfortable couch with a glass of wine in his hand and relish in the glow of love. He was just passing an alley when something caught his attention. He wasn’t sure what drew him towards the alley but he found himself entering the narrow space. The soft sound of whispers alerted him to the fact that he was not alone.

“Come on out. I mean you no harm.” He coaxed softly. There was the soft sound of shuffling before two boys who looked no older than fifteen or sixteen stepped out of the shadows. They were filthy and Crowley frowned at them. It was three in the morning on a chilly October night. Neither was wearing anything that was close to being warm enough for the weather.

“Where are your parents?” He asked and the shorter of the two glanced at his partner.

“We don’t have any.” The other said. Crowley frowned as he studied the two. They reeked of love for each other but also fear and desperation. It was a heady mix that reminded himself of his own hidden feelings. He felt God’s divine nudge and knew what he had to do, otherwise the woman in the sky would get pissy and he knew better than to have an all powerful female entity mad at him.

“Come. Let’s get you cleaned up and you can tell me what happened.” He said turning. He paused at the mouth of the alley when he realized they weren’t following and sighed.

“Trust me when I say, I understand what being kicked out of your home feels like. I might not have been cast out for being in love but I was cast aside because I wasn’t perfect enough. Come, you must be starving and you both smell like you haven’t showered in several weeks. The least I can do is give you the opportunity to get warm for a few hours and eat something that wasn’t in the trash.” Crowley said sliding a bit of peace and trust towards the two. They scrambled after him and he led them to the apartment.

“Hello, my dears.” Crowley said to the plants as he entered. The apartment was a bit of a mess; in the living room, where there wasn’t any plants there were paintings. He had a large show coming up so most of the space that was not covered in plants had canvas that had depictions of angels or demons on them. There were familiar faces on them: Beelzebub, Hastur, Ligur, Gabriel, Michael, Evangeline. His favorite was a picture that was going to be in the exhibit but not for sale. It was an angel and a demon facing away from the viewer on a great wall looking out over an expanse of desert. They both had their wings out, one with black, one with white. The angel had one of his wings stretched out over the demon, shielding him from the rain that was coming down. 

Crowley had always remembered Aziraphale’s first act of kindness towards him. It had been something that had kept him coming back to the angel; the way that Aziraphale had seemed to not really care that they should have been enemies. That day, on the wall of Eden when the first rain fell neither of them had known what it would have done to Crowley and the angel had selflessly offered a demon, who had already done something awful to God’s precious humans that day, shelter from the unknown. He was going to keep the painting once the show was over, hang it in his apartment.

The two boys eyed the apartment warily, the smaller running his hands over the back of the couch and frowning at the pictures of the demons that lay across the seats.

“The shower is through that room there. Feel free to use as much of the shampoo and body wash as you’d like and stay there as long as you want. Anything you would prefer for breakfast?” Crowley asked stepping through the archway into the kitchen and the smaller boy shifted.

“Could we have pancakes, with chocolate chips in them?” He asked shyly. Crowley nodded.

“Of course. Anything you want?” He asked the taller one who was looking at him like he was mad.

“Bacon.” He said before pulling his friend towards the bathroom. Crowley waited until he heard the shower start before turning his gaze heavenward.

“What the fuck am I supposed to do with two teenagers, Miss Almighty?” He asked. God, being the unhelpful being that she was, didn’t answer. Crowley sighed and miracled up the best chocolate chip pancakes and the crispiest bacon to ever exist. He also started to roll up the paintings that were scattered about the apartment so they wouldn’t get hurt. He was supposed to be meeting with his agent today and going over descriptions for each painting but he would have to push back that meeting to deal with his new humans. 

He heard the shower shut off and piled the rolls of paintings on the coffee table. The coffee pot started up as he pulled his mug from the cupboard and he waited until it was done with the pot to pour himself a cup. The two teens came out hesitantly and he nodded his head at their breakfast. They tore through the food like they hadn’t eaten in days and Crowley wondered when the last time they had eaten had been. It was a stroke of bad luck that the smaller one was just reaching for his third pancake when a letter from Aziraphale poofed into existence beside the plate in a small cloud of white. Crowley sighed and plucked the envelope off the counter, setting his cup aside and breaking the seal. 

“What the hell?” The taller teen asked surprised.

“Try Heaven, my dear, though I did a stint as a demon for about six thousand years. Admittedly not my best work. Give me a minute and I’ll answer some questions.” He said holding up a finger. He slid Aziraphale’s note out as the two humans spluttered.

**_High Archangel Raphael_ **

**_I am flattered that you wish for me to accompany you to your art show. I shall be delighted to attend and see some of your creations. I also have a mission that requires me to leave Crowley the Cat for several days. If you wouldn’t mind watching him for me I would appreciate it._ **

**_In God’s Grace_ **

**_Principality Aziraphale_ **

**_Guardian of the Eastern Gate_ **

Crowley sighed and scribbled out a quick reply saying that he would get back to him on the date of the gallery’s opening and that he would watch Crowley Jr.. He sent the letter away in another puff of white smoke and turned to the humans.

“Now. Ask away.” He said.

“What the fuck was that?” The taller teen asked and Crowley shrugged.

“Correspondence with another angel. He’s an old friend of sorts. It’s a twisted and complicated story. I knew him as a demon while I went by another name. I died and was reborn as an angel again, reclaiming my angelic name but he hasn’t made the connection.” Crowley said with a shrug. The smaller teen narrowed his eyes.

“You don’t want him to. Why?” He asked and Crowley picked up his coffee mug.

“Because he broke my heart. I couldn’t bear it happening again.” He admitted softly, turning his gaze to the mug in his hands and keeping it there. There was a moment of silence before one of the boys cleared their throat.

“So you’re an angel. Why bother with us, a pair of gay humans? Aren’t we sinners?” The taller one asked and Crowley looked up sharply.

“No! Love is love. The damned Catholic church added in the whole ‘love between a man and a woman’ bit. God doesn’t care as long as it’s pure and unselfish. Otherwise I would be in the same boat, wouldn’t I?” He said. The taller one shifted uncomfortably.

“Right.” The boy still looked unconvinced. “I’m Will, by the way, and this is Jem.” He added. Crowley took a good look at the pair. Will had dark black, wavy hair, brown eyes, and olive skin with dark freckles across his face. Jem was fairer, chestnut colored hair that was messily curled, blue-green eyes and pale skin that looked like it burnt easily. 

“Technically my name is Raphael and if anyone comes to visit that’s the name you’ll use but if it’s just us here you can call me Crowley.” He said. Jem pulled a third pancake onto his plate.

“Does that mean we can stay?” Will asked, sounding like he couldn’t quite believe his ears.

“The great Almighty lead me into that alley for a reason. She’s not the most forthcoming but it’ll work out in the end. Hope neither of you are allergic to cats though. Aziraphale has me catsit while he goes and haggles over books across the world. He calls them missions but Heaven doesn’t send him on missions after the whole Apocadidn’t a few years ago. I let it slide though. I don’t mind watching his cat.” He said. Will shifted in his seat.

“Why does he have a cat named after you if he doesn’t know you’re you?” He asked. Crowley sighed.

“I was Crowley as a demon. As a demon I died. Somehow the Almighty brought me back as an angel in some great, cosmic joke. It’s confusing even to me. It took three or so years for me to reform and in that time Azriaphale got himself a cat which he named Crowley the Cat.” He explained. Will frowned but gave a short nod.

“So where are we going to stay?” Jem asked and Crowley snapped his fingers. A door appeared in the far wall, leading to a new room for the two teens.

“Wicked.” Will said awestruck as he rushed over to peer into the room. It was furnished but Crowley figured they should probably go shopping to get things for the boys, clothes, books, condoms to name a few. Jem slid the plate away with half of his third pancake still on it.

“Aren’t you hungry?” He asked and Crowley shook his head.

“I have no need to eat. I find liquids to be easier than solid food to stomach anyways.” He said emptying the mug into the sink. It was close to five in the morning and he had no idea what exactly he should do so he set about his usual routine. 

“Why are you wearing your sunglasses inside. I noticed that you hadn’t taken them off?” Will asked and Crowley frowned. He supposed since these two would be staying here that they would have to grow used to his eyes. Carefully he pulled his glasses off and turned to face the two teens. Will recoiled but Jem simply blinked at the dark purple, snakelike eyes. 

“Are they natural?” Jem asked and Crowley shrugged.

“They used to be yellow. I shifted them when I was changing my appearance. The snake like quality though? That is unchangeable. I can hide it for a bit but in the end, the glamors will fade and it will return.” He said picking up his spray bottle. The two teens sat in the kitchen as he watered his plants, he chatted quietly to each plant and encouraging each to grow just a little bit more. The roses bloomed even though they were out of season. One primrose had grown a mixture of silver and gold roses and he caressed the petals.

“May I clip this one?” He asked the primrose. The plant preened at the thought of him wanting one of its flowers. Carefully his clipped it and set it aside in a glass of water that he had miracled up. 

“That’s gorgeous.” Gem said gazing at the flower. 

“Yes, the plants do very well here. I always encourage them to try new things with their fruit and flowers.” He said. Jem seemed boggled by that and Crowley took pity on him. He opened his mouth to explain that he was an angel of creation and thus the plants were able to do things they normally couldn’t when his radio crackled to life.

“High Archangel Raphael. This is Archangel Gabriel for a report.” Gabriel’s grainy and rough voice sounded through the radio. Crowley rolled his eyes.

“How rude, Gabriel. You’re supposed to say ‘hello’ and ask how I’ve been.” Crowley admonished. Will and Jem stared at him with wide eyes. The radio remained silent for a beat before Gabriel spoke again

“Hello High Archangel Raphael. How have you been?” Gabriel said almost mechanically. Crowley grinned at Will.

“I have been absolutely wonderful. I have picked up two lovely homeless boys. Say hello to Will and Jem, Gabriel.” He said and there was an even longer pause.

“Do I have to?” Gabriel asked and it came out as a whine. Crowley’s grin grew.

“Oh, I think you do. It’s always good to show kindness to all of God’s creations, is it not. I think you’ve hurt Jem’s feelings.” Crowley said and the look on Will’s face was gold. He was red from trying to hold in his laughter while Jem looked terrified at being the one singled out.

“Forgive me, Jem. Hello, Jem and Will. Now please just give me your report.” Gabriel begged. Crowley sighed.

“If I must.” He said before starting to rattle off the important things that had happened since his first report. When Gabriel finally left the radio Will let out a cackle.

“What the fuck was that?” He asked.

“Me fucking around with a prick of an angel. Gabriel technically is below me in the hierarchy so I’m able to get away with shit like that.” Crowley said and Jem blinked.

“He’s an archangel though, that’s pretty high up according to the bible.” He said and Crowley shrugged.

“Yeah, but I’m a High Archangel. There used to be three of us, Morningstar, Evangeline, and me. We were the Angels of Creation and created everything under God’s watchful eye. We were the first angels and it was a long time before she created any others so we were very close. Though only Evangeline and I are actually made from the same Idea.” Crowley explained. 

“Morningstar. He’s the devil, isn’t he?.” Will said and Crowley nodded.

“He was my best friend when we were angels. Evangeline’s husband. When he Fell, I went with him because I thought Evangeline would too and I just couldn’t leave my sister. But as it turns out, she hadn’t and the Fall twisted him, made him cruel and wicked like it did us all to different degrees. Fortunately, I was spared the worst of it. My Fall was not of selfish reasons, I Fell only because I feared what would happen to my sister. In a way that I couldn’t see as a demon, God was still protecting me.” He said. 

“How awful. Have you seen her since you became an angel again?” Jem asked and Crowley nodded.

“Yes. It’s not the same anymore though. Over six thousand years have passed and we are very different than what we used to be. She looks like the Evangeline I knew but I barely recognize her spirit anymore.” He said softly. Will frowned.

“You should try though. I’m sure she still loves you... doesn’t she?” He asked and Crowley shrugged.

“I don’t know. I did not have enough time to find out before I had to come here.” He lied. A knock on the door put a stop to the conversation and Crowley went to answer the door. It was Aziraphale who smiled at him.

“High Archangel Raphael, pleasure to see you as always.” Aziraphale said and Crowley stepped aside to let him enter. Aziraphale froze at the sight of Will and Jem.

“And who might these two be?” Aziraphale asked. 

“This is Jem and Will. They will be living here from now on.” Crowley said. Aziraphale blinked.

“You can’t just kidnap two kids Raphael!” He exploded and it was Crowley’s turn to blink.

“I did not kidnap them, Principality Aziraphale. They were living in an alley and I gave them a home.” He said. Aziraphale’s eyes widened.

“You are fairly new to this world but you are supposed to call the police about children without homes!” He snapped. Crowley shifted his aura, tired of being treated like a small child. It radiated out, grey and smothering.

“I would watch your tone, Principality Aziraphale. I am not a fool. God’s grace shines upon these two and I do not go against God.” He said in a low, dark voice. Aziraphale nodded slowly.

“Forgive me High Archangel Raphael, I didn't mean to overstep.” Aziraphale said meekly. Immediately Crowley sucked the aura back in and smiled softly.

“I know, Aziraphale. You care too much. You let your heart run too far ahead of your mind.” He said. The carrier containing Crowley Jr. let out a yowl and Crowley chuckled.

“Let him out. He has never warmed up to traveling across the Atlantic.” He said. Aziraphale set the carrier down and unlatched it letting the orange cat dart out of the little box towards Crowley’s bedroom. 

“How long will you be gone?” Crowley asked and Aziraphale sighed.

“I’m not sure. This mission is going to be a bit more difficult.” He said and Crowley nodded.

“There are some pancakes in the kitchen should you like some breakfast.” He said and Aziraphale’s eyes lit up. 

“I think I can stay a little bit longer.” The blonde angel said happily. Crowley glanced at Jem who had fallen asleep on the couch at some point. 

“Why don’t you take him to bed.” He said to Will who was looking tired as well. 

“Alright. We’re going to need clothes though.” Will said and Crowley nodded.

“We’ll deal with that later.” He promised before following Aziraphale into the kitchen.


	5. When the sun goes down and the band won't play

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter caught a bad case of the feels. Especially towards the end. But you got two chapters in one day so at least you can be happy about that.

Aziraphale popped into the alleyway between Raphael’s building and the small coffee shop beside it. He was dressed smartly as he was attending the opening night of Raphael’s gallery with the other angel. He wasn’t sure how he felt about it as it felt awfully like a date but he was in no position to refuse the Angel of Creation. He straightened his tux jacket and strolled out of the alley and into the building climbing up to the Archangel’s apartment. Knocking he squirmed. There were butterflies in his stomach and he squashed them venomously. He hated how he seemed to relax around the other angel in a way that he had only ever been able to around Crowley. He hated himself and the High Archangel for these feelings of longing to get close to the Angel of Creation. It felt too soon, being only three and a half years since Crowley’s death but when he was around Raphael it was like he was with Crowley. The other angel was sarcastic and witty. He acted so much like Crowley that it sometimes stung. The door opened and Will stood there in a pair of pajamas

“Hello. Aziraphale, right?” The human said stepping aside so he could enter. 

“Yes, and you were Will.” He responded. The human shrugged and curled up on the couch where his counterpart was waiting for him. They were no doubt waiting for Raphael to leave so they could have some alone time. 

“Where is High Archangel Raphael?” Aziraphale asked and the other one, Jem looked up from his book

“You can call him Raphael, you know. He doesn’t really care for his titles.” He said and Aziraphale blinked. He hadn’t noticed that he still tacked on the title but since the High Archangel still called him Principality he figured they were even

“Where is...Raphael?” He asked again when it became evident that neither was going to answer him the first time.

“He went out to the Chinese restaurant around the corner. Lost a bet with Will and has to get us dinner.” Jem said and Will grinned

“I bet him that the Yankees would beat the Mets. Poor guy knew nothing about baseball. The Yankees are at the top of their division for a reason.” Will said with a sly shrug. Aziraphale had no idea who the Yankees or the Mets were but he knew baseball was a sport played here in America and so he assumed that they were two teams. 

“Will he be back soon?” He asked and Will nodded

“Yeah, only takes fifteen minutes tops to get the food and he’s been gone ten.” He said. Aziraphale nodded and sat down on the end of the couch away from the two humans who were lounging on top of each other. Will eyed him curiously

“So Raphael tells me that the cat is named after a demon who stopped the end of the world.” He said and Aziraphale blinked

“Yes. Crowley was a demon and we did stop the antichrist from ending the world five years ago. I’m surprised the High Archangel told you about that. It wasn’t a good day for Heaven.” He said. Will had a mischievous gleam in his eyes and Aziraphale wasn’t sure if he was going to like where this conversation was going

“Raphael tells us all sorts of stories.” Jem said quickly as he shoved his elbow harshly into Will’s stomach. The other human frowned at his boyfriend but didn’t say anything and Aziraphale nodded

“I’m sure he has many stories to tell. After the Fall, Raphael was not heard from for millennia. It wasn’t until a few months ago that he returned to Heaven from his wanderings. Or at least, that’s the rumor. No one really knew what happened to him after the Fall, he just vanished without a trace.” Aziraphale said. Will and Jem shared a look and Jem shook his head minutely

“So you’re named after him?” Will asked, his question far too innocent to be what he really wanted to say. Aziraphale nodded

“Yes. I was named by his sister High Archangel Evagilene when I was thought into being.” He said. Jem cocked his head

“Are there many angels named after Raphael?” He asked and Aziraphale frowned

“Well, no. Which is why it’s a high honor. To be named after one of the four original angels of the Lord is a great honor indeed.” Aziraphale said, a bit of pride slipping into his voice. Jem bit his lip and he sighed

“Aziraphale, Raphael said there were only ever three original angels. Morningstar, him, and his sister. What do you mean by four?” He asked and Aziraphale frowned

“Well, Crowley of course. He was Raphael’s brother too. They came from the same thought.” Aziraphale said. Jem bit his lip

“Tell him. We’ve been here for a month and a half and they both feel the same. He deserves to fucking know.” He heard Will hiss. Jem shifted

“What if, what if your Crowley and Raphael weren’t brothers?” Jem asked and Aziraphale frowned

“What do you mean?” He asked. The whole conversation was interrupted by the front door opening and Raphael stepping inside. He was on the phone with someone, hissing angrily into the speaker. Jem hurried to stand and take the bag of take out from the angry angel who disappeared into the kitchen to finish his phone call in peace

“What is going on?” Aziraphale asked and Will shrugged, taking the carton that his boyfriend handed him

“One of his paintings is going to be on display but not for sale. The gallery owner’s wife saw it though and wants it for her personal collection and won’t take no for an answer. Raphael is adamant that he’s not selling it. Probably that.” Will said as he took the chopsticks that were offered next. Aziraphale frowned at the idea that someone was making the High Archangel angry. It didn’t sit well in his gut and he rose to check on the other angel. He found the other angel with a glass of wine in his hand and the phone on the counter

“Is everything okay?” Aziraphale asked. The High Archangel gave him a soft smile

“It will be fine. I do not think I will be using this gallery again though. Would you like some wine?” He asked holding up a bottle

“What’s the vintage?” Aziraphale asked, stepping a little closer. 

“It’s an American wine from 1986. A Screaming Eagle cabernet from their very first year. Very good, I find it just the right amount of sweetness.” Raphael said. Aziraphale nodded and the High Archangel poured him a glass. Aziraphale took a sip and found the taste pleasant. They drank quietly for a few moments

“We should go soon. It wouldn’t look good if I was late to my own gallery.” Raphael said but he didn’t sound like he was ready to leave. 

“Are you nervous?” Aziraphale asked and the older angel shrugged

“Only about a few pieces. They were...difficult to paint. I’m sure you’ll know them when you see them.” He said before draining his glass. Aziraphale did the same. They left the kitchen to find the human boys watching the archway

“Do not destroy my apartment.” Raphael warned and Jem rolled his eyes.

“Yes Dad.” He said in a deadpanned tone. The title seemed to startle Raphael for a moment but he caught himself. 

“Remember you have school in the morning!” Raphael called as he headed towards the door. Aziraphale followed and Raphael led him down the street.

“They seem to have settled in well.” He said as they walked towards the subway station. Raphael pulled out a pack of cigarettes and lit one up

“Humans adapt fast it seems. They were having trouble in school when I first enrolled them but a well placed name and the Headmistress has made sure they are left alone.” He said after taking a drag. Aziraphale watched his long fingers hold the cigarette expertly and his mind rolled through all the times he had seen Crowley with tobacco rolled between his fingers. 

“They have to. They come and go so quickly.” He said nervously. Raphael made a soft noise

“Yes, yes they do. It’s the beauty of it though. They come and go so quickly but each one makes such ripples in the lives around them even when they don’t see it. Humans truly were Her best creation.” He said with a soft smile

“Were you there? When she first thought of them?” Aziraphale asked and Raphael shook his head

“I had already left. I was long gone and had no real connection to Heaven anymore. I did visit the Garden of Eden though, a little late but it was nice. I could have done better but She did only have one Angel of Creation working for her at that point; sloppy work is to be expected.” Raphael said

“Where did you go for so long?” Aziraphale asked. It was a question that had eaten at him for a while but until now he hadn’t felt comfortable asking. The older angel led him up the stairs into the train station and swiped him through the gates to get onto the trains. He didn’t answer until they were waiting on the platform for the train

“I wandered down to check on Crowley first. It’s odd how they didn’t care that I was there even though I hadn’t fallen as far as them. I brought an ease to their suffering I suppose. Then I went to the stars for a while before coming back to Earth.” Raphael said flicking his cigarette away. 

“That must have been very lonely, being up in space.” Aziraphale said. Raphael looked at him with something strange in his eyes. 

“I was never really alone. Even if the stars would not speak to me anymore I had found a friend.” He said cryptically. Aziraphale frowned but was unable to ask any more questions as the train arrived. They didn’t speak on the train. Aziraphale sat but Raphael stood, holding onto the bar that hung from the ceiling and swaying as the train rocked. He seemed at ease on this strange human contraption as it rocketed down under the city. They exited the train station and Raphael led him through the crowded streets of Manhattan. They were greeted at the doors to the gallery by a stern woman in sharp wingtip glasses and an even sharper blouse and pencil skirt. 

“Your late, Mr. Fell.” She snapped and Aziraphale though she was speaking to him until Raphael kissed her on her cheek

“Forgive me Rita, I had to take the subway and it was running late.” He said. The woman sighed

“Go in, quickly. The show starts in half an hour and I’m sure you want to give your date the tour beforehand.” She said, her tone softer. Aziraphale spluttered at the word date but Raphael nodded to her and hooked their arms together to drag him into the gallery. It was quiet inside, soft music guitar playing in the background

“Sorry about the date comment. She means well.” The older angel said stepping away. He led Aziraphale up to the first painting which was of a place that could only be Hell. Raphael gave a brief description and they moved on. They did this for most of the paintings in this section as they revolved around Hell and the demons who lived there. There was a very flattering painting of Beelzebub where the Lord of Flies seemed to be sleeping peacefully and a few others that reminded him that they had once been angel and some still possessed smidges of that grace. They moved on to the section that depicted Heaven and Aziraphale chuckled at how the landscape painting that you first saw resembled an office that seemed to go on for eternity. 

“I never cared for the new look. At least Hell has character.” Raphael said softly and Aziraphale frowned at the comment. He smiled at the paintings of angels he recognized, High Archangel Evangeline featured in many of the pieces. Finally Raphael led him into a third section of the gallery

“I thought this collection was Heaven and Hell?” Aziraphale asked confused and Raphael smiled bemused

“It was supposed to be. Then I realized there was a third group of celestial beings. Those who had lived on Earth.” He said. Aziraphale looked around. All around him was paintings of him and Crowley from different moments in time. 

“I did say I spent time here.” Raphael said sounding amused when Aziraphale stopped in front of a painting of Crowley. The demon was looking straight at the viewer, his hands steepled in front of his face and his sunglasses slid just enough down his nose that you could see he was plotting something. There was a cocky grin on his face that also spoke of something more. Love, there was love in that smile too. Aziraphale had seen this smile directed at himself so many times without seeing that last emotion it was almost too much to see it now. 

“It’s almost real.” He said, his hand reaching out to touch but he pulled back at the last moment

“Do you like it?” Raphael asked, a hint of concern in his voice

“It’s, it’s lovely.” Aziraphale forced himself to say. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the gaze of his demon’s 

“That’s good. This one’s not for sale, I painted it for you.” Raphael said and that did cause Aziraphale to look away from the painting.

“What? Why?” He asked. The older angel shrugged, not meeting his gaze

“You lost him too. He was your best friend. You may not have loved him as he loved you but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t important to you. I thought a painting, a piece of him, would be nice.” He said. 

“Thank you.” Aziraphale said. He wasn’t sure what else to say. They were interrupted by a man and a woman hurrying up to them

“Mr. Fell, I really must speak to you about the piece.” The woman said as the man tried to pull her back

“Mrs. Rochester. I am not selling  _ ‘On the Garden’s Wall’ _ . It is a piece that I wish to keep for myself and I will do so. As the artist I am allowed to.” Raphael said, irritation seeping into his voice. The woman had steel in her gaze

“You are an up and coming artist, you can’t afford to not sell every single piece.” Mrs. Rocester said and Aziraphale stepped back as the High Archangel’s back stiffened. If there was one thing in the months that they had gotten to know each other that Aziraphale had learned, it was that no one told the High Archangel what to do except God herself. 

“I have no need for money Mrs. Rochester. I paint because I enjoy it. I sell my paintings because I wish to share them. I could state now that none of my paintings are for sale tonight and still be able to live in great lavish for another fifty years. Now if I was to go to my agent and tell her to spread the word that this gallery bullies their artists into selling pieces that the artist didn’t want to sell, how long would you be able to keep your doors open?” Raphael asked and the man pulled the woman behind him

“I’m terribly sorry Mr. Fell. Please forgive my wife. She wasn’t even supposed to be here tonight.” He said. Raphael sniffed haughtily

“Please make sure your wife controls her tongue. I may have signed a contract for this collection but this will not be my last and I very much doubt the rest will be any less successful.” He said. The man nodded quickly and herded his wife away

“What is this painting that she wants so badly?” Aziraphale asked and Raphael sighed

“Come, it’s further in.” He said. They passed painting after painting of Aziraphale, all of them making him seem even more angelic than he felt he was. 

“You painted me quite a bit.” Aziraphale said softly and Raphael nodded

“Easier to do. I see you quite often and, well, Crowley’s gone.” He said. Aziraphale felt a pang of grief was over him but he forced himself to stay on his feet and to keep walking. They rounded a corner and his breath was stolen. Spanning across the wall, was a lifesized painting of a scene he thought he would never see again. It was the view of the endless desert from behind him and Crowley as they stood on the wall of Eden. Aziraphale’s wing was extended over Crowley’s head as a soft rain had fallen. 

“Oh.” Aziraphale said softly, as tears welled up in his eyes. Raphael helped him over to the bench that sat in front of the painting. 

“I showed up at this point. Worrying my ass off over him only to find he had already made a friend in another angel.” Raphael said sitting down beside him. 

“He’s gone. He’s gone and he’s never coming back. Not even you can create his soul again” Aziraphale said softly. Raphael took his hand and rubbed soft circles on his knuckles

“Chin up, Aziraphale. He’s not suffering anymore.” The High Archangel said and Aziraphale let out a sob at his words. 

“Oh God, I miss him so much.” He sobbed and Raphael pulled him in close. He didn’t know how long he sat there crying into the other angel’s shoulder. 

“We have to open the gallery now, angel. Are you going to be okay or do you want to leave?” Raphael asked. There was something about the sentence that didn’t seem quite right but Aziraphale was too worn out to really process the words. 

“Can I sit right here? I don’t want to leave you on your own when I’m supposed to be your date.” He said pulling back and miracling up a handkerchief. Raphael’s black and silver pinstripe suit had a snot stain on the shoulder but he didn’t seem to care, making in vanish with a miracle of his own. 

“Mr. Fell, can we open the doors now? We’ve delayed for ten minutes.” The assistant asked and Raphael nodded

“I’ll bring you some wine if you’d like.” The older angel said as he stood.

“Thank you.” Aziraphale said softly, turning his attention back to the painting on the wall. The older angel left for a moment before returning with a large glass of wine which Aziraphale took gratefully

“I’ll check in ever so often.” Raphael said. He had his own glass of wine in his hand, white to Aziraphale’s red. 

“Alright. Go, you’ve got paintings to sell.” Aziraphale said and Raphael smiled but didn’t move

“Wish me luck?” He asked. Aziraphale nodded, a soft smile gracing his lips

“Good luck Raphael.” He said. The older angel opened his mouth to say something but the sound of other people being in the gallery stopped him. Instead he nodded to Aziraphale and straightened his jacket before leaving to talk to the humans. Aziraphale turned to the painting and sighed. He had been so nervous that day, having thought it was the day that everything had gone wrong. It would only be later that he would have realized it was the day that things had started to look up for him. 


	6. A/n

Hi guys,  
Quick a/n. I have created a discord chat for our ineffable husbands. If you want to join there's a link on my tumblr, my username is adaydreamingdream.


	7. My head speaks a language I don't understand

Crowley smoozed with the many humans who visited his gallery. Most were sipping the wine or champagne and slowly browsing through the collection. Crowley was moving towards where he had left Aziraphale, hoping that the other angel would have put all the pieces that were literally surrounding him together, when Rita grabbed his arm

“Mr. Fell, you have someone who wants you to paint them a commission.” She hissed. He frowned

“I don’t paint commissions.” He said. She bit her lip

“Are you sure?” She asked and he frowned. She had a faint whiff of sulfur around her

“I’ll meet with them.” He said and she led him towards a back room. As he suspected, two demons were guarding the door. They stepped aside when Crowley approached and he waved Rita away

“I’ll handle this on my own.” He told her. She looked relieved and hurried off. 

“Good evening gentlemen.” He said smoothly. They didn’t respond but one pulled the door open and he stepped inside. Beelzebub was standing there, waiting for him. 

“Crowley. I thought you were dead.” She said sounding slightly shaken and he miracled up two chairs.

“I’m sure you’re wondering how I’m here.” He said sitting in his own chair. She followed suit, sitting perched on the edge of her chair

“Yes, and as an angel. Everyone in hell felt it when you died.” She said slowly. He sighed

“Frankly I have no idea how it happened. I drank holy water fully intending to stop existing. Everything that happened between then and my appearance in Heaven a few months ago i as much a mystery to me as it is to you.” He said. She narrowed her eyes

“Surely you have some ideas. You never were a fool Crowley.” She snapped. Crowley sighed

“I think God herself may have bent reality a bit. It took her three years to reshape everything but she reversed my Fall.” He said. Beelzebub sucked in a breath and there was a glimmer of something in her eyes that Crowley didn’t quite grasp

“Do you think she would do it again?” She asked and he realized it was hope. Beelzebub had hope to return to Heaven now that Crowley had done it.

“I have no idea. You would have to ask her yourself.” He said and her expression twisted into a scowl

“I can’t. I’m a demon. She would never listen to me.” She snapped. Crowley sighed. 

“God loves everything, unconditionally. Angel, human, or demon. It’s only Lucifer who says she doesn’t. Lucifer and our prides.” He said. She looked down at her hands. 

“I don’t want to be this way anymore. I’m so tired of hurting all the time.” She whispered and he reached out and cupped her cheek. Slowly, as not to frighten her, he channeled his grace into her. He washed over her soul and like a cool balm soothed over the burns and aches the fall had left on it. 

“Oh.” She sighed, sagging against his touch. He pulled away and she chased the touch for just a second

“Come find me if you need that again. I do not hate any of those I once called friends simply because I am an angel now.” He said. She nodded, tears in her eyes that she quickly wiped away. 

“The painting you did of me. When did you ever see me meditate like that?” She asked and he shrugged

“Once, I walked into your office and you were fast asleep in your chair looking so peaceful. I didn’t dare disturb you so I left.” He admitted. 

“Do you remember me when I was an angel? It was so long ago, I hardly remember it myself.” She asked and he nodded. 

“Your name was Glorifina. You sang in the choir and had the most beautiful voice.” He said. He refrained from saying that he was the one to shape her into being and named her. She blinked, mouthing the name as if it was new to her.

“Can, can you paint me? As I was then?” She asked, her voice small and meek and it broke his heart to see her so scared to ask for anything.

“Yes, I can paint you as you were. Perhaps one day you will return to that form.” He said and she gave him a smile and a nod. She cleared her throat and stood. 

“Thank you.” She said before cleaning her face and striding out of the office. Crowley stood and made the chairs leave. He waited several minutes before leaving himself. His first stop was to check on Aziraphale who was running his fingers along the rim of his empty wine glass. Crowly sat down beside him

“How has your night been?” He asked softly. Aziraphale sighed

“I feel like there’s something more. Something I’m missing.” He said and Crowley could tell he was just a little too tipsy. There would be no filter on this conversation and maybe that was what was needed

“Well maybe there is. Everyone has their secrets after all.” He said. Aziraphale leaned against him

“I miss him but being with you makes it feel better. I don’t want it to feel better. I shouldn’t be over him yet. I still love him, love him so much. But I love you too and I shouldn’t because I literally just met you. It feels like I’ve known you for forever though. Like you just slid into Crowley’s place and continued on.” Aziraphale said. Crowley ached to tell Aziraphale. To blurt out that he  _ was _ Crowley but fear held him back. Fear of rejection again. Fear of what Aziraphale would say about all the lies. Fear gripped him in a vice and wouldn’t let go and he was drowning in it. He had given so many hints, left so many clues hoping that the other angel would put the pieces together and he wouldn’t have to say the words but Aziraphale’s infamous denseness seemed to be getting in the way. 

“I…” Crowley began but Aziraphale cut him off

“No, don’t say anything. I don’t want you to reject me. Oh, is this how he felt? I miss him so much. He was my everything and I never realized it until he was gone. I thought the romantic love I felt for him was just us being really close friends.” Aziraphale said. Crowley blinked. Frozen. Aziraphale loved him? Romantically? He mentally swore at the lady in the sky and wrapped an arm around the drunk angel

“You need to sober up now.” He murmured and Aziraphale gave a small nod. He sobered up and Crowley pulled a pack of mints out of his pocket. He offered Aziraphale a piece but the other angel shook his head

“I’m sorry. I’ve ruined our friendship.” He said and Crowley swallowed thickly. He knew, he  _ knew _ he should tell Aziraphale the truth. Lay everything out and hope for the best. 

“It’s okay. I understand.” He said and Aziraphale turned to him

“You do?” He asked wonder and shock etched into eac word and Crowley sighed

“My feelings for you are not exactly child friendly. I do not know if I am ready to act on them.” He said. It felt like he was suffocating under the weight of all the lies and he was just piling more onto his chest. Aziraphale turned towards the painting

“I feel like I’m betraying Crowley though. I still love him so much.” He said softly, pain dripping from his voice. Crowley twined their fingers together

“My brother wouldn’t want you to mourn him forever.” He heard himself say. Aziraphale sighed

“Just give me a little more time. I...I need more time.” He said pulling away. Crowley nodded standing. 

“The show is almost over. If you need anything just come find me.” He said and Aziraphale nodded. Crowley felt a sharp pain pierced his heart at the lost look on his angel’s face. Aziraphale looked so torn, so broken. So sad. Crowley wanted so desperately to reach out and kiss the other angel, to wipe the sadness from his eyes but fear gripped his very core. Aziraphale only thought he loved him because he was gone. It was too soon to really know if the love was true. It could only be regret at the loss. Grief and pain. Crowley would stick to his plan. If Aziraphale still believed he loved him in two decades he would reveal himself. He would refrain from starting anything before then as well. Carefully, he moved away from where Aziraphale sat and went to find Rita. 

“There you are, have you taken the commission?” She asked when he found her in the Heaven section. He nodded

“She’s an old friend, don’t worry about anything, I’ll handle it all.” He said and Rita frowned

“Are you sure? This is part of my job you know.” She said and he nodded

“I’m sure. How are things going?” He asked. She brightened

“Quite a few of the paintings have sold, more than we expected on opening night. Your friend bought one, she seemed quite taken with it,  _ ‘Peace in the Depths’ _ . Offered twice as much as we were asking.” Rita said and Crowley nodded,  _ ‘Peace in the Depths’ _ was the painting of Beelzebub sleeping so it was only fitting that she bought it. 

“Anything else I should be aware of?” He asked and she shook her head. 

“No. The night is pretty much over if you want to take your boyfriend and leave.” She said. Crowley sighed

“He’s not my boyfriend Rita.” He said and she smiled at him. 

“You want him to be.” She said knowingly. He couldn’t deny that so he kissed her on the cheek and went to collect Aziraphale. The other angel seemed restless so instead of leading him back towards the subway station, Crowley headed towards a good 24/7 restaurant that he knew of. 

“Where are we going?” Aziraphale asked and Crowley shoved his hands in his pockets

“Well, when you do well at something you normally celebrate with a meal. Correct?” Crowley said and Azriaphale blushed

“Oh, well yes. I think it’s rather late though. Won’t most places be closed?” He asked and Crowley shrugged

“There’s a Thai place I like around the corner. I would go there when setting up for the gallery with Rita.” He said. Aziraphale looked stunned at first but his expression quickly morphed into one of delight

“It’s been a while since I’ve had good Thai. Is it authentic or have they Americanized it like they did with Chinese?” He asked and Crowley snorted. It had been humorous when Aziraphale had discovered that most take-out Chinese places did not actually serve real Chinese food. 

“It’s authentic Angel.” Crowley said and Aziraphale beamed. 

“Oh wonderful. Are you sure they will be open?” He asked and Crowley chuckled

“They are open twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week the only exceptions being Christmas and Easter.” Crowley assured. Aziraphale let out a soft chuckle

“Not your doing, I don’t suppose.” He asked and Crowley gave him a crooked grin. 

“Just Christmas. They have three kids and shouldn’t be working on Christmas.” He said and Aziraphale’s eyes seemed to soften. The gaze was one that Crowley had not seen since he had died; soft and sweet with so much fondness and love. Crowley felt his heart squeeze tightly and the words  _ ‘I love you, Angel’ _ bubble up behind his teeth. It hurt so much, hiding from Aziraphale but he was so afraid that telling the other angel and getting rejected again would hurt even more. Or worse, Aziraphale realizing it wasn’t truly love he felt in a few decades and leaving Crowley. So instead he stuck his teeth together and smiled a tight lipped smile, leading the way to the restaurant. It was small, barely enough room for three small tables with two chairs each. Jenab, the eldest of the children was working the counter with a textbook laid out on the register. She set it aside when they entered

“How may I help you?” She asked and Crowley gave her a smile. She was stressed, she had a huge midterm coming up and she was hoping to get out of her parent’s restaurant and go into computer programing. She hadn’t heard back from any of the colleges she had applied to but she was hoping. She hadn’t sent an application to the college she really wanted, Harvard, because she didn’t think her parents could afford it. Working up a miracle, Crowley set up a full scholarship to Harvard for her to arrive in the mail that next day. 

“Can I get the Crab Som Tam, extra spicy.” He said with a smile. She nodded and turned to Aziraphale who blushed

“Um, I’ll take the Moo Ping please.” He said and she rung up the order. Crowley paid for the food with his card and left a generous fifty dollar tip. Jenab’s eyes widened at the amount and when she went to protest he shook his head

“Just sold a bunch of paintings. Figured I would celebrate.” He said and she blushed. 

“Al-alright. I’ll have the food right out for you.” She said. He nodded and headed over to sit at the table closest to the door. 

“That was very nice of you.” Aziraphale said and Crowley waved him off

“I’m not nice.” He muttered out of habit. Aziraphale cocked his head

“Your brother used to say the same thing, you know. Though he always said it was because he was a demon.” Aziraphale said and Crowley felt his insides turn to ice. How was he going to keep this charade up? How was Aziraphale so dense he did not see what was so obvious. Crowley swallowed around the lump in his throat

“Must run in the family. Evangiline was always the odd one out.” He croaked. Aziraphale smiled fondly

“You must have such wonderful stories about creating the universe with them. I always wondered what Crowley’s name was before he fell but...I never felt like it was safe to ask. He got so upset when I brought up the time before he Fell. Would go hide away for a few years and I would get so lonely.” The other angel said sounding sad and wistful. Crowley felt the lump in his throat grow. He was rescued by a group of heavily intoxicated young men entering the shop. Jenab took their orders and the other group sat not to far away. Crowley could tell that Aziraphale didn’t feel comfortable speaking about Crowley in front of these humans so he changed the topic to Will and Jem’s court dates to each become emancipated. Their food arrived and they ate quickly. The fire of the Som Tam reminded Crowley of the pain that he had carried around for centuries and as they left he used a small miracle to make a pair of beat cops decide they wanted to stop and get a meal. Better to be safe than sorry after all. 

**Author's Note:**

> Please kudo to give me some encouragement. Comment and tell me what you think even if it's that I made you cry (this was supposed to be a angsty depressing oneshot). Bookmark for easy access and subscribe to get updates!


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